Earth Bound Misfits Episode One "DEPARTURE"

EARTH BOUND MISFITS
by
Dale W Tice

 

 

2.
COSMOS
They are the newest model. The
soles are weay softer.
CELESTE
You buy a new pair, every week,
COSMOS. You really need to stop
being so impulsive.
COSMOS
(Smiling at Celeste)
I know what I like when I see it.
CELESTE
That's nice, but seriously, it's
going to get you in a lot of
trouble one day.
COSMOS
Okay! I'll try to fix it.
NEBULAE, who has obviously had too much to drink, signals
to the bar tender, who comes over, and he orders.
NEBULAE
(Slurred speech)
Give me another one.
The bartender goes off to make him a drink.
COSMOS
(To Celeste)
And he says my impulse purchases
are a problem. (To Nebulae) Don't
you think you had enough to
already, buddy?
NEBULAE
I...I aint even dra drunk yet.
What you asking me that for?
CELESTE
I think you have had enough, Neb.
NEBULAE
I have a high tolerance for
alcohol.
The bartender brings NEBULAE's his drink and he turns it up
and drinks it fast. COSMOS and CELESTE watch him as he
smiles and slams the glass down. Then his eyes roll back in
the back of his head and he passes out on the floor.
COSMOS, staring down at his friend on the floor.
CELESTE
(rolls her eye)
Not again.

3.
COSMOS
(smiling)
He hasn't yet learned the rule of
moderation.
CELESTE
If I have to help you drag your
roomate back to your dorm one more
time, I'm breaking up.
CELESTE and COSMOS proceed to pick NEBULAE up off the floor
and drag him out of the bar, to the laughter of someo of the
other college students.
EXT. BOY'S DORM
COSMOS and CELESTE are carrying NEBULAE back into the boy's
dorm.
CELESTE
I could have been hanging out with
my girlfriends, tonight, rather
than helping drag your roomate back
to bed.
COSMOS
But you are here and that's all
that matters.
Shot: Pull back from the three college students stumbling
back to the dorms to reveal a mysterious black car setting
in the dark watchinng the three students.
Cut to:
INT. DEAN STARBRIGHT'S BLACK CAR
DEAN STARBRIGHT and his wife MIRANDA, are setting in their
car watching, CELESTE and COSMOS drag NEBULAE back into the
dorms.
MIRANDA
She's hanging with that dreadful
boy, still. I thought you forbid
her from seeing him anymore.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I did. Unfortunately, she's a lot
like her mother.
MIRANDA
What do you plan to do?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I think the only way I'll get her
to open her eyes and see that
Cosmos is bad for her is put a
little space between the two of
(MORE)

4.
DEAN STARBRIGHT (cont'd)
them. Let her have time to think
about how she really feels about
him.
MIRANDA
How you plan to do that?
DEAN STARBRIGHT and MIRANDA look up at the light that had
just come on, in a room of the third floor of the boy's
dorm.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I have to find the perfect lie.
Cut to:
INT. COMSOS AND NEBULAE'S ROOM
COSMOS and CELESTE throw NEBULAE down on his bed. They rip
his clothes off and throw them the clothes on the floor.
They then cover him up.
CELESTE
How much did he drink?
COSMOS
I lost count after the sun went
down.
CELESTE
You shouldn't let him drink so
much.
COSMOS
Let him?,(Chuckles) I'm the one who
encouraged him.
CELESTE picks up a pillow from under NEBULAE'S head and hits
COSMO with it.
CELESTE
My parents are right. You really
are bad boy.
COSMOS lets the pillow hit him in the face, then catches it
and puts it back under NEBULAE'S head.
CELESTE
That's really sweet, how you take
care of your friend like that.
COSMOS
I love him like a brother.
COSMOS, and CELESTE embrace and they slow dance over to the
window.

5.
COSMOS
How about you stay the night?
CELESTE
(surprised)
Stay! Are you crazy? If my parents
found out that I was in the boys
dorms right now, they would freak
out.
CELESTE pulls away and starts for the door.(Cosmos will have
a hard one but it should not be the focused of the shot)
COSMOS
You really going to leave my spadix
in this condition.
CELESTE
Uh Yeah! Good night, Coz.
CELESTE turns around and heads out the door.
COSMOS
She'll be back. She can't resist
the old Coz charm.
COSMOS sprays some cologne on, then pulls back the covers of
his bed, kicks off his boots, then crawls into bed.
COSMOS
When my little flowers returns,
I'll be right here waiting right
here.
Cut to:
INT. DEAN STARBRIGHT'S BLACK CAR
DEAN STARBRIGHT and MIRANDA stare up at the window where
they see there daughter kissing COSMOS.
MIRANDA
Oh Good God, Uranus, she kissed
that fungus farmer.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I got eyes, Miranda.
MIRANDA
You are going to be calling him son
in law if you don't get her away
from that boy.
DEAN STARBRIGHT is just staring at the window with a angry
look on his face.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
She will marry him over my dead
body.

6.
MIRANDA
What are you going to do about it?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I already told you, honey. I plan
to create a lot of space between
the two of them.
At that moment, CELESTE is seen exiting the boy's dorm. She
nevers notices the black car of her parents setting just a
just feet away in the dark of the parking lot. DEAN
STARBRIGHT waits until he see's that his daughter has
clearly headed off into the darkness.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I will take care of this
DEAN STARBRIGHT moves to get out of the transportation
vehicle.
MIRANDA
Now, don't hurt anyone, Uranus.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Nobody is going to get hurt,
Miranda.
DEAN STARBRIGHT exits the car and starts walking toward the
dorm door that he saw COSMOS walk back into.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I hope.
Cut to:
INT. COSMOS AND NEBULAE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
COSMOS is laying in bed waiting for CELESTE to return like
he thought she would. He looks at a clock on the wall.
COSMOS
I guess she really isn't coming
back.
At that moment he hears a knock on his door.
COSMOS
Ah Hah! I new she couldn't resist.
(Change of voice) Oh come on in my
darling.
When the door swings open and DEAN STARBRIGHT steps inside,
COSMOS is shocked by his sudden appearance.
COSMOS
(shocked)
Dean Starbright. (Jumps out of bed)
What are you doing here at...(looks
(MORE)

7.
COSMOS (cont'd)
at the clock on the wall) at three
a.m. in the morning.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
We have to talk, Cosmos.
COSMOS
(Stutters)
Sure! About what?
DEAN STARBRIGHT looks over at NEBULAE who is sleeping like a
child.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Is Nebulae okay?
COSMOS
Besides having drunk a little too
much, he's alright.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I see. (His eyes linger on the
drunken NEBULAE)
COSMOS
What brought you out at this time
of the night, Sir?
DEAN STARBRIGHT turns to look at COSMOS with a serious look
on his face. He then looks pass him and toward the big
window. He walks over to the window and looks out of it.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Cosmos, can you keep a secret?
COSMOS joins him by the window and looks out it to see if he
can see what DEAN STARBRIGHT is looking at.
COSMOS
Yes sir. Of course I can.
DEAN STARBRIGHT turns where he can face COSMOS face. He
looks him up and then looks him down. DEAN STARBRIGHT looks
up at the stars.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
There's a planet in a far off
galaxy, that's worrying our
government.
COSMOS
What planet?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I knew that would be the question
you would ask me.
DEAN STARBRIGHT points to a bright light in the sky.

8.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Earth! (Turns back to COSMOS)
COSMOS eyes linger on the spot where DEAN STARBRIGHT finger
is pointing.
COSMOS
My professor Earthlings are an
undeveloped species and pose no
threat to our galaxy.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
(Laughing)
Professors. They think they know
everything.
(desperate)
But our governemnt thinks
otherwise. Earthlings have
developed a space program since the
last time we visited them and we
believe, from some of the
communication we have intercepted
over the last few months, that they
are planning an invasion of our
galaxy.
COSMOS
Invade us? With what weapons?
They haven't even landed a man on
their nearest planet.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
They put men on their moon. (pause)
Possibily.
COSMOS
What does any of this have to do
with me?
DEAN STARBRIGHT checks the door and looks around the room.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
We alone?
COSMOS
Not a soul stirring.
DEAN STARBRIGHT leans in and tells COSMOS...
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Our government is me to find the
best student I have and send them
on a mission to monitor the
movements of the Earthlings.
COSMOS
And (drawn out) I take it you want
my recomendation?

9.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
No! I want to send you.
COSMOS
Me? But I..I'm average at best.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Grades. (chuckles) What do they
mean in the real world. Our galaxy
needs a hero, Cosmos, and I think
you would be perfect for this
mission.
COSMOS turns around and looks around the room and his eyes
set on his friend NEBULAE.
COSMOS
That means I'll have to leave
Nebulae.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Your going to need a pilot to
flyyou there right?
COSMOS
Yeah!
DEAN STARBRIGHT
And Nebulae has his license?
COSMOS
He does, I think.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Then why don't we send him with
you?
COSMOS
You'll do that?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Of course. I can't break up a good
team. Wake Nebulae and tell him
the good news.
COSMOS
Right now?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Yes right now. We have no time to
spare.
COSMOS
I can't say goodbyes to a few of my
friends?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
It's top secret so I can't let you

11.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
We got a pill that can cure
drunkedness. I just need to get
him to the ship.
DEAN STARBRIGHT and COSMOS reach down to pick NEBULAE up
again.
Cut to:
EXT. SPACE CAB - NIGHT
Shot: A space cab is setting in front of the Boy's dorm. A
door busts open and we see DEAN STARBRIGHT and COSMOS
dragging NEBULAE toward the cab. When they reach the cab,
DEAN STARBRIGHT opens the door and he and COSMOS throw
NEBULAE into the back seat of the cab. The two of them
follow NEBULAE into the cab on either side of the cabe.
Cut to
INT. SPACE CAB - NIGHT
The SPACE CABBIE is looking at the three men getting into
his cab, but never says anything. DEAN STARBRIGHT leans
foward to tell the cabbie...
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Space elevator.
SPACE CABBIE
Is your friend okay?
COSMOS
He's just had a little too much to
drink.
SPACE CABBIE
Don't you mean a lot to much.
The driver turns around, and shift the gear of his cab and
takes off toward the space elevator.
In the back of the cab, COSMOS is setting behind the driver
staring out the window, with NEBULAE'S head rested against
his shoulder while DEAN STARBRIGHT is watch COSMOS who is
watching as the College campus passes by in a blur outside
his window.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I know what you are thinking,
Cosmos.
COSMOS turns to look at DEAN STARBRIGHT.
COSMOS
What's that?

12.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
You are wondering if everything
about to change.
COSMOS
Actually, I was wondering if it was
actually a smart idea to get in a
spaceship with a drunk flying it.
NEBULAE raised his head for the first time and looked over
at COSMOS.
NEBULAE
(slurred speech)
I fly better when I'm drunk.
DEAN STARBRIGHT pats NEBULAE'S leg as a method of
reassurance.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
You see, Cosmos. You have nothing
to worry about. Nebulae's a
natural born pilot. Aren't you
young man.
NEBULAE
(slurred speech)
That's right.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
He's got his license, so he's good.
NEBULAE
(slurred)
License? I don't need a permission
slip from the government to let me
fly a spaceship.
COSMOS head turns quickly to look at NEBULAE.
COSMOS
Actually, Neb. You do.
NEBULAE smiles awkwardly.
NEBULAE
(slurred speech)
Well that's a problem.
COSMOS
What do you mean, Neb?
NEBULAE looks at COSMOS with a smile on his face and then
says softly.
NEBULAE
I'm a big fat fat liar, yes I am.
NEBULAE then leans his head back and He passes out aqain.

13.
COSMOS
(frantily)
Neb, you do have license, don't
you?
COSMOS slaps NEBULAE'S face but NEBULAE does not respond.
COSMOS
Neb! What you mean you are a liar?
DEAN STARBRIGHT reassures COSMOS.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
OH! Don't worry about a licens. As
long as he can get the thing in the
air. That's all that matters.
COSMOS frantic look now fades from his face and his less
frantic face takes its time.
COSMOS
I sure hope you know what you are
talking about, Dean.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
A young man like you should look
forward to breaking a few rules.
COSMOS
Flying without a license is a
felony.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Oh well. Just make sure you don't
get pulled over by the space
police. If you do, the jig is up.
Cut to:
EXT. SPACE ELEVATOR - NIGHT.
The space cab pulls up and DEAN STARBRIGHT and COSMOS pull
the drunken NEBULAE from the cab and the cab pulls off.
The space elevator doors open and they step into the
elevator.
Cut to:
INT. SPACE ELEVATOR - NIGHT
As the spacd elevator ascends toward the stars, COSMOS and
DEAN STARBRIGHT stand while NEBULAE leans on DEAN
STARBRIGHT'S shoulder. NEBULAE awakens and he looks over at
DEAN STARBRIGHT and smiles drunkenly. He then turns to
COSMOS.
NEBULAE
Hey buddy?

14.
COSMOS
You okay now?
NEBULAE
Where are we?
COSMOS
Space elevator.
NEBULAE
What are we doing in a space
elevator?
COSMOS
Don't you remember? We going to
space.
NEBULAE
Oh yeah! Now I recall having a
conversation like that. How we
getting there ?
COSMOS
You going to fly us there.
NEBULAE
OH! I am. (Laughs) That's funny.
COSMOS
What's so funny?
NEBULAE looks over at DEAN STARBRIGHT
NEBULAE
Don't tell the Dean. Okay Sir!
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I want say a thing, Nebulae.
NEBULAE
I failed by flight test.
COSMOS
WHAT? You told me you got the
highest score.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I failed the first time to, Cosmos.
Flew around space for six months
without a license.
NEBULAE
See! He didn't get a permission
slip from the government either.
Cut to:

15.
INT. DOCKING BAY - SPACE
The door to the elevator opens and COSMOS and DEAN
STARBRIGHT pull NEBULAE out of the elevator and drag him
over ot a table and set him down. DEAN STARBRIGHT looks
into the meedicine cabinet and pulls out a pill then reaches
for a set of keys. DEAN STARBRIGHT walks back over to
NEBULAE and COMSOS and his takes the pill and puts it into
NEBULAE'S mouth.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Swallow that, Nebulae.
COSMOS
What's that?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
It's a pill that will help you
clear your mind. .
COSMOS
A sober pill?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Not quiet. He may appear sober and
rational on the outside, but there
is still drunk in his mind.
Nebulae swallows the pill.
COSMOS
They don't make a pill to counter
the affects of alcohol?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
(laughing)
Who wants a pill like that? This
pill will keep him up conscious
long enough to get to the Earth. I
suggest then you take a rest after
that.
COSMOS
What if we get lost and it takes
longer to get there?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Pull over.
DEAN STARBRIGHT throws NEBULAE the keys and tells him.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Don't put a scratch on her. She
been with me for a long time.
NEBULAE stands up on his own and looks around like he has
just got to there.

16.
COSMOS
A scratch. It's old.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
It's an antique. They don't make
the like this anyore.
COSMOS
I'm not sure about this anymore,
Dean Starbright. You got me in a
worn out ship with a drunken pilot.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
If you put it on auto pilot it
pretty much flies itself.
COSMOS stands back and looks at the ship again.
COSMOS
Can I back out?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
If you want to be known as the
chicken for the rest of your life.
COSMOS
What's a chicken.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
A creature on Earth...never mind.
You going or are you going?
COSMOS, has to think again.
COSMOS
How you feel, Neb?
NEBULAE
I feel great, Coz.
COSMOS
Okay! Let's go then.
DEAN STARBRIGHT walks over to COSMOS and NEBULAE and looks
at them, then comes to attention and then reaches out with
his arm and hand and gives the two young men the middle
finger.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
For those among us that have chosen
to die for to save our world, we
salute you.
COSMOS and NEBULAE then raise their own hands and give DEAN
STARBRIGHT the middle finger back.

17.
NEBULAE
(lowered voice directed
to COSMOS)
Die? Nobody said anything about
dying.
COSMOS
It's just a figure of speech.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I'll be on my way to let you boys
prepare for take off.
DEAN STARBRIGHT lowers his salute and then walks back to the
elvator and dissapears.
COSMOS
Well let's see what this old ship
can do.
Cut to:
INT. SPACE SHIP - SPACE
COSMOS and NEBULAE are sitting inside the space ship.
NEBULAE is looking at the instruments trying to figure them
out.
COSMOS
What's wrong?
NEBULAE
It's a stick shift.
COSMOS
So?
NEBULAE
I never flew a stick shift before.
In fact I never flew a ship before.
COSMOS
How hard can it be? You push a
couple of buttons, push in some
coordinates and off we go.
NEBULAE
I wish it was that simple. This is
a standard.
NEBULAE puts the key into the key hole and turns the engine.
The engine just whines and whines as he tries to crank it.
COSMOS
Should I get out and push?
NEBULAE eventually gets the engine on. He then tries to
shift the gears but we hear the gears grind. Eventually the
shift it able to lift and then sets back down. He gets it

18.
up again once more and this time he goes careening toward
the wall, but turns just in time and the ship sets back down
again. NEBULAE shifts the gears again and we hear more
whining until he gets it back into the air and swings the
ship around the docking bay. He hits a few things as he
tries to get it out of the docking bay opening.
COSMOS
What's wrong?
NEBULAE
I have performance anxiety.
COSMOS
Just line it up with the hole and
hit it. Haven't you done this
before?
NEBULAE
No! I haven't done this before. I
told you I failed my test.
NEBULAE now frustrated swings teh ship back around the
docking bay and this time he gets it backed up against the
furtherest wall, and hits the gas on it. They go racing
toward the opening. COSMOS covers his eyes. However, this
time, they hit the hole and now are flying through space.
NEBULAE
(nervously)
See. It was a piece of cake.
COSMOS rolls his eyes.
COSMOS
Let's just get to the wormhole and
find out what these Earthlings are
doing?
Cut to:
INT. INTERGALATICAL UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY AND AGRICULTURE
- DAY
CELESTE, is walking along a pathway past a round sign that
gives the name of the college. It was when she hears the
sound of a voice calling for her.
FRIEND #1
Celeste. Celeste.
CELESTE stops and turns around to see another girl running
up to her.
CELESTE
What's up?
CELESTE and her FRIEND start walking toward class.

FRIEND #1
Nothing much. You get that paper
done for class?
CELESTE
I did it last night at the last
minute.
FRIEND #1
What is this I hear about your
boyfriend going on a top secret
government mission.
CELESTE stops walking and turns to look at her friend.
CELESTE
What are you talking about?
FRIEND #1
I heard that your dad came by last
night and send Coz and Neb away on
a mission.
CELESTE
That's nonsense. I was with Coz
most of the night last night

FRIEND #1
So its not true?
CELESTE doesn't really know how to answer this.
CELESTE
(Questioning)
I'm sure it isn't. He's a
freshman. He's not qualified to go
off world yet.
FREIND #1
I guess you will know for certain
if he isn't in class this morning

20.
CELESTE
No! You sure you heard he went on
a secret mission.
FRIEND #1
That's the rumour.
The PROFESSOR pulls out the role sheet and a note and he
reads a note.
PROFESSOR
It seems two of our students have a
excused absence for the next few
weeks.
CELESTE throws her hands up.
CELESTE
Professor who was excused?
PROFESSOR
I'm not sure if I should tell you,
Miss Starbright but being you are
the Dean's daughter I'm sure you
will find out eventually. It's Mr.
Cosmos Atom and Nebulae Proximity
are our missing students.
CELESTE
Professor is it not the
University's policy that no student
is allowed off world until at least
their senior year.
PROFESSOR
Yes mam, that is the policy.
CELESTE
How could two freshmen get sent off
world then?
PROFESOR
There are exceptions to every rule,
Miss Starbright.
CELESTE no longer interested in attending class picks up her
books and storms out of class.
CELESTE
I gotta go 'm going to find out
what this is all about.
PROFESSOR
Miss Starbright is everything okay?
CELESTE stops in the middle of her exit and turns to the
PROFESSOR and tells him.

21.
CELESTE
I'm feeling ill, professor. I need
to see the nurse.
PROFESSOR
I hope you are felling well enough
to attend my next lecture.
CELESTE leaves the classroom.
Cut to:
EXT. SPACE
NEBULAE and COSMOS fly past a couple of planets.
COSMOS
Isn't that the same planet we
passed a couple of astronomical
units back?
NEBULAE
I'm sure it isn't. I haven't
deviated from our route.
COSMOS see's a planet that looks like a disco ball.
COSMOS
Now, I know I have seen that planet
before.
NEBULAE
(angrily)
Fuck it! You want to this thing?
COSMOS
I've never even tried to fly one.
NEBULAE
(angrily)
Then leave me alone and let me find
this fucking wormhole I'm supposed
to find.
COSMOS
Why can't you just admit we are
lost.
NEBULAE
Is that what you want me to say?
COSMOS
No, that's not what I want you to
say. But I wish you will just
admit it that we are lost and you
don't know how to find the
wormhole.

22.
NEBULAE
Okay I admit it, we are lost.
There are you happy now?
COSMOS
Not really. At least I know now
that we are lost.
NEBULAE
I don't know how to get to this
motherfucking wormhole. You would
have thought that Dean Starbright
would have told of this before we
left.
COSMOS looks around at the space they are lost in when
suddenly he see's a neon sign that reads ALLEN BELT BURGERS.
COSMOS
You hungry?
NEBULAE
Yeah! I could eat a bite.
COSMOS
(Pointing)
There's a burger joint. Head over
there. Maybe somebody can give us
directions.
NEBULAE
Good idea.
NEBULAE turns the ship toward the burger joint and lands it
in the parking lot.
Cut to:
INT. BURGER JOINT - SPACE
COSMOS and NEBULAE enter the restaurant and find that it is
pretty empty. There are a couple of tough looking aliens
setting at the bar drinking coffee, flirting with the middle
aged waitress, who is pouring one of them another cup of
coffee.
Behind the grill is another alien who is flipping some
burgers. He is a big fat alien guy. They all look up at
COSMOS and NEBULAE when they enter the restaurant. COSMOS
and NEBULAE stop in their tracks when they see everyone
staring and one of the diners gives a chuckle when they see
the two young aliens.
WAITRESS
(Hollering)
You boys have a seat and I'll be
with you in a minute.

23.
COSMOS and NEBULAE see one of the many empty booths and
COSMOS points at one and they both walk over to it and set
down. Once in their seats, COSMOS picks up a menu.
COSMOS
Let me see what they got to eat
here?
At that time the WAITRESS wanders over.
WAITRESS
Aren't you two a little young to be
off world?
COSMOS and NEBULAE look at each other as if they are talking
with each other with their eyes.
COSMOS
We were sent here...
WAITRESS
By who?
COSMOS looks over at NEBULAE who shrugs his shoulders.
COSMOS
By the government.
The waitress suddenly starts laughing out loud.
WAITRESS
Just tell me what you want to
drink.
COSMOS and NEBULAE look down at the menu. They are looking
to see what drinks they have. They flip through the menu
but they can't seem to find the drinks.
WAITRESS
(irritated)
The drinks are on the back.
NEBULAE turns to the back of the menu. He stares at the
drinks then orders two.
NEBULAE
Two of these.
The WAITRESS leans over to see what he is pointing at.
WAITRESS
Two of those. You think you can
handle those.
COSMOS and NEBULAE look at each other because they aren't
even sure what they have ordered.

24.
WAITRESS
Yeah, I suggest I bring you two of
these.
COSMOS
What is that?
WAITRESS
In certain languages through out
the universe is commonly known as
water.
COSMOS
What you getting to eat?
NEBULAE
I guess a burger. You can't beat a
good burger.
The WAITRESS returns with their waters.
WAITRESS
You decided what you like to eat?
NEBULAE
Yeah! Two burgers.
WAITRESS
Good choice. (Hollers to the cook)
Two burgers, Ern.
The WAITRESS sticks her pencil back in her hair and puts
away her order notepad.
WAITRESS
So, tell me, what are you two doing
out here in this part of space.
NEBULAE with nothing to say, looks over at COSMOS and asked
him...
NEBULAE
Should we just tell her.
COSMOS
Go ahead.
NEBULAE
We are on a mission for the
government to go to Earth and spy
on Earthlings.
The WAITRESS doesn't say anything at first until she starts
laughing uncontrollably.
COSMOS
What's so funny.

25.
WAITRESS
Do you really want me to believe
that. I was born, young man, but I
wasn't born yesterday.
The waitreess walks away laughing. Seeing tha the waitress
was gone, COSMOS leans forward to tell NEBULAE
COSMOS
We were supposed to tell anyone
about our mission.
NEBULAE
I was just trying to make
conversation.
COSMOS
Well shut up.
COSMOS looks over at the waitress who is talking with the
long flyers again. She is still a laughing. He hears her
say talking to the Long flyers as she continues laughing.
WAITRESS
They spies.
The rest of the guys at the bar start laughing. COSMOS looks
over at the two Long Flyers who are just a laughing. It is
then he see's a third guy, in a black suit and with
sunglasses setting at a table in the dark of the room, who
lowers the paper he is reading and starts to stare at the
two students.
COSMOS
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea,
for us to come in here.
NEBULAE
Why?
COSMOS
I'm just getting a bad feeling.
NEBULAE
Maybe we should leave.
COSMOS
Yeah! Let's....
The WAITRESS arrives just then with two hamburgers.
WAITRESS
Here you boys go. Is there
anything else I can help you with?
NEBULAE
That'll be it.
At that time COSMOS kicks him under the table.

26.
NEBULAE
Ouch! Why you kick me?
COSMOS
(Through gritted teeth)
Ask her about the wormhole.
NEBULAE
Oh! Mam! Can you tell us how to get
to the wormhole.
WAITRESS
How to get to the wormhole?
(chuckles) Now didn't your daddy
set you down and tell you all about
that?
COSMOS
No! Not that. He's asking about
about the one that takes you to
other galaxies.
WAITRESS
Oh! Well I'm good in bed but not
that good.
NEBULAE
He's asking about...
WAITRESS
I got it. Hey, Stew, you know how
to get to the wormhole?
STEW, One of the truckers look up and they tell the
waitress. STEW, points out the restaurant window at a big
star.
STEW
Just follow that bright star for
another couple astro units and you
should be in the traffic.
COSMOS
Thank you sir.
The waitress walks away and COSMOS and NEBULAE begin to eat
their burger. The camera pans away from COSMOS and NEBULAE
to the MAN IN BLACK who is watching them from behind his
dark sunglasses.
Cut to:
INT. DEAN STARBRIGHT'S office - day
DEAN STARBRIGHT is setting at his desk looking at some
papers when he is suddenly surprised by the appearance of
his daughter.

27.
CELESTE
Daddy, did you send Cosmos and
Nebulae away on a secret mission.
DEAN STARBRIGHT doesn't know what to say so he lies.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Honey, who ever told you such a
lie?
CELESTE
Everyone at school is talking about
it.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
So much for keeping it a secret.
CELESTE
Then its true?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Sweetie, there are things going on
in the universe that are troubling
to our world. We sometimes have to
ask our young men go perform
certain task to protect our way of
life.
CELESTE
Cosmos is just a freshmen, Dad.
He's not qualified to flip a burger
much less, fly off to another
galaxy. He'll be killed.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I trust he will be alright. .
CELESTE
I know you probably sent him away
because you and mother do not like
me dating him.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
We have never interferred in your
social life.
CELESTE starts laughing.
CELESTE
If anything happens to him I want
ever talk to you again.
CELESTE turns away and storms out the room. DEAN STARBRIGHT
realizing things have gotten even more serious now rubs his
head and questions his decisioins.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
What a mess I have made

DEAN STARBRIGHT gets on the phone.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Stella, call immigration and see if
two students have gone through the
wormhole yet?
Cut to:
EXT. SPACE BURGERS
COSMO and NEBULAE exit space burgers. As they are leaving
out the door, they noticed the MAN IN BLACK smoking a
cigarette and watching them. They smile at him but continue
on to their ship.
Cut to:
INT. SPACE SHIP
COSMOS and NEBULAE are in their space ship and they are
looking at the weird Man in Black smoking his cigarette and
staring at them.
NEBULAE
What the fuck is his problem?
COSMOS
I don't know but I don't like it.
Get us out of here.
NEBULAE tries to crank the space ship and it doesn't turn
over. They notice the man put down his cigarette and stomp
it out and start walking toward them.
COSMOS
Neb get this fucking thing in the
air.
The man continues toward them when NEBULAE is finally able
to get the ship cranked and takes off. COSMOS is watching
the man as he gets smaller.
NEBULAE
What was that about?
COSMOS
I don't know. Let's just put as
much space between him and us.
Cut to:
EXT. MAN IN BLACK SHIP
The MAN IN BLACK is in his ship now and he takes off after,
COSMOS and NEBULAE. We see on the side of his ship, TRUANT
OFFICER.

29.
INT. SPACE SHIP - SPACE
COSMOS and NEBULAE are flying along. NEBULAE checks his
rear and see's that the MAN IN BLACK is following them. He
ignores it at first and just keeps looking over at COSMOS
who is looking at a movie that is on file in the UFO.
NEBULAE
What you looking at?
COSMOS
Old Earth movie.
Cut to: Scene in TOTAL RECALL of people suffering because
there is no air and it has been cut off.
COSMOS
Dean Starbright said they were a
peaceful people.
NEBULAE
What makes you think they are not?
COSMOS
There's a lot of killing in their
visual record.
NEBULAE
(distantly)
That's nice.
NEBULAE isn't really listening to COSMOS but is more
concerned by the MAN IN BLACK behind them.
NEBULAE
You remember that creepy dude in
the restaurant that followed us
out?
COSMOS is focused on the movie on his screen.
COSMOS
Yeah!
NEBULAE
He's behind us.
COSMOS looks up sharply and then turns to NEBULAE.
COSMOS
What?
COSMOS now turns around to look behind them and he see's
that the MAN IN BLACK is truly behind him.
COSMOS
What does he want?

30.
NEBULAE
Fuck if I know.
COSMOS
You think he is a Earth spy sent to
spy on us spying on Earthlings?
NEBULAE
What?
COSMOS
Nevermind. Hit the gas and let's
try to lose him.
NEBULAE hits the gas and takes off leaving the MAN IN BLACK
behind for a second but soon he is on their tail again.
COSMOS
He's still behind us. Can you go
any faster?
NEBULAE
I'm giving it all its got.
COSMOS
Try some out maneuver him.
NEBULAE
Oh like this?
NEBULAE swings the ship back and forth in a zig zagging
motion, but the MAN IN BLACK is till behind him.
COSMOS
Well I was hoping you had something
more than that.
NEBULAE
I just learned to fly a few hours
ago. What more do you espect of
me?
Cut to:
INT. MAN IN BLACK'S SHIP
The MAN IN BLACK is on the phone and he is calling in to the
university.
MAN IN BLACK
I have a couple of students off
world. I'm following and plan to
apprehend them and bring them back.
MAN IN BLACK
Do I have permisssion to fire on
them?

31.
MAN IN BLACK
That sucks. I'll try to capture
and return.
The MAN IN BLACK hangs up the phone.
Cut to:
COSMOS and NEBULAE continue to fly.
NEBULAE
Where the fuck is that wormhole.
COSMOS see's a gate and a sign pointing toward the WORMHOLE.
COSMOS
Over there.
NEBULAE jerks the ship right and heads toward the wormhole
as quick as he can. The MAN IN BLACK comes up beside him
and tries to knock him off his track.
COSMOS
What is wrong with this crazy
motherfucker?
NEBULAE doesn't say anything but he seems to have something
more on his mind. COSMOS sensing his silence looks over at
him.
COSMOS
Is everything okay?
NEBULAE
Did Dean Starbright happen to
mention how long the drunk pill was
supposed to last?
COSMOS
He said it should last until we got
through the wormhole. Why?
NEBULAE
(slurred speech)
Because I'm starting to feel drunk
again.
NEBULAE starts driving eratically.
COSMOS
Just hang in there buddy until we
reach the wormhole.
Cut to:
INT. MAN IN BLACK'S SHIP
MAN IN BLACK is struggling to keep beside NEBULAE.

32.
MAN IN BLACK
The force is strong with this one.
Cut to:
INT. SPACE SHIP - SPACE
NEBULAE swerves left and right, upside down and right side
up through traffic of other ships trying to get to the
wormhole. The MAN IN BLACK is having trouble keeping up and
now is losing ground.
COSMOS
You can fly this thing pretty good
when you need to.
COSMOS then looks over at NEBULAE who has passed out again.
COSMOS
(Fearful)
What the fuck? Wake up Nebulae.
Wake up.
They reach the gate and the gate's radar reads the license
of the ship and immediately it says "earthbound" The gate
guard tries to stop them from going through but they burst
through the gate and they hit the wormhole.
Cut to:
DEAN STARBRIGHT is setting at his desk. He gets a call.
CALLER
Sir! We just got a call from a deep
space truant officer that is
reporting that two of your students
just entered the wormhole. Do you
know anything about this?
DEAN STARBRIGHT seemingly starts to panic now.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Uh! What? That can't be. I would
never give any mine students
persmission to go off world.
CALLER
Do you have any idea of where they
might go?
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Why? Didn't the guard clear them
for a destination.
CALLER
We are not sure. They crashed the
gate and the guard panicked.

33.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Soooo, you have no idea where they
are of if they will ever make it
back?
CALLER
No sir!
DEAN STARBRIGHT
That's terrible. Can you keep me
updated.
DEAN STARBRIGHT hangs up the phone. He has concerned on his
face at first until he stands up and starts dancing.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
I got rid of that son of a bitch.
OH Yeah. That's right. I'm the king
of this university.
A call comes in.
DEAN STARBRIGHT
Yes mam. I'll pick it up on the way
home.
He hangs up the phone.
Cut to:
INT. SPACE SHIP - SPACE
NEBULAE awakes just in time to see URANUS coming into view.
He looks over at COSMOS who is struggling with the controls
of the ship.
COSMOS
We are not qualified to do this.
We are not qualified. We been
tricked.
NEBULAE shocked sober by seeing the planet URANUS coming
into view, grabs the controls. He tries to hit the brakes,
however, they come crashing into the planet's surface, which
fortunately for them, is all gas clouds. NEBULAE is able to
get the shipped stopped among the clouds of URANUS.
GPS VOICE
Welcome to URANUS.
NEBULAE
Where the fuck are we?
COSMOS
Uranus
NEBULAE seems to be waking up for his drunken fog now.

34.
NEBULAE
What are we doing here?
COSMOS
(shouting)
Where you been the last few hours,
Neb? We just went through a
wormhole.
NEBULAE
(confused)
What for?
COSMOS
We are supposed to go to Earth to
spy on the Earthlings.
NEBULAE
Earth?
COSMOS
Yeah!
NEBUALE
Spy?
COSMOS
Yeah!
NEBULAE
That's stupid.
COSMOS
What's stupid.
NEBULAE
Why the fuck would they send two
freshmen to a far off galaxy to spy
on them? Our government has people
trained to handle that.
COSMOS doesn't respond immediately. He sets back in his
chair and for the first time sense DEAN STARBRIGHT came into
his room he had time to think about it all.
COSMOS
It made sense at the time.
NEBULAE
Which part?
COSMOS just stares for a moment at NEBULAE with nothing to
say.
NEBULAE
We need to get back to the wormhole
and go back to our planet.

35.
COSMOS
You saying that the Dean lie to us?
NEBULAE
Yeah!
COSMOS
Why would he do that?
NEBULAE
Because you are fucking his
daughter.
COSMOS sets quietly for a moment.
COSMOS
(hangs his head in shame)
How could I be so stupid?
NEBULA
It comes pretty easy for those who
think with their dicks. What do you
want to do now?
COSMOS
Get back to the wormhole.
NEBULAE hits the gears again, and they again grind. He
lurches forward a couple of times.
COSMOS
You flew this thing better when you
were drunk.
NEBULAE doesn't say anything and continues to grind the
gears until he gets the ship a going.
Cut to:
EXT. SPACE
NEBULAE stops the ship where they came out at.
COSMOS
This is where the wormhole should
be.
NEBULAE
That's what I was afraid of.
COSMOS
What?
NEBULAE
We need to know how to open the
wormhole to get us back home.
COSMOS
Fuck! What do we do now?

36.
NEBULAE
You know we are on the otherside of
the universe. How about we go check
things out. Ain't got nothing else
to do.
COSMOS stares out into the cosmos.
COSMOS
Okay! Let's do that.
NEBULAE adjustes the gears and he again lurches forward a
couple times to get his ship flying forward.
NEBULAE
(OS)
Be nice if they ever evented a ship
you didn't have to shift gears.
A few seconds after COSMOS and NEBULAE leave the site of the
wormhole, it again opens up, and the cop that was chasing
them burst through. He looks around. He then gets on his
radio.
MAN IN BLACK
Subjects did not make it to
destination. Heading back.

MAN IN BLACK turns around and heads back into the wormhole.
Cut to: Final Credits